lay them down.

pause a moment.

your good friend, like H, comes up to you to say his then-gf broke up with him because he lacked ambition, and drive, and that he was childish. then finds out she’s already sleeping with someone else, and he finds out more details than i think its appropriate to share here. further the gf, with a good twist of linguistics and perhaps a mind that was over-hurt by the crumbling relationship, makes it out to sound like it was all H’s fault that she slept with the other guy.

 To what would you say to H? as his friend. as his friend, angry that your friend was hurt, this badly.  

at this time the pea and i took time to be there for him, and comfort him, and in the process of that, like how everyone says encouraging things to the cheated and say dispparaging things about the cheater, we said some things to him. not with the intention of insulting the cheater, but to be comforting to H. to cheer him up, we joked about what’s the worst things H could do to her, things about her past that we knew. all these said to merely cheer up H, not to attack her personally. why would we? we werent the ones cheated on, and H is old enough to make his own decisions.

but H, then goes and spills everything out to the gf– from the comments we made to our ludicrious (and influenced by too much alcohol & mosquitos & happies) suggestions.

can you imagine the backlash?

now H has done it again, over another girl.

you and your coffee stories, i miss you much. especially at times like this when i need to rant, but in riddles.

kisses. may the wind bring these to your cheeks, wherever you are.

at twenty-four the decisions you make, wont be written off as “oh, she is too young to know better”. there is no time left for the excuses of “give her time to grow up”. this is grown up. this is the real world where the decisions are real, and irrevocable.

a month has past since the new year, and i realise i havent quite been able to say i’ve stood by my resolutions. in fact, i blatantly flount them and blame the situations i find myself in and the many screams of the world for my attention. i am unable to sit here, proudly, and look at the achievements we’ve made these 2 years. but rather with a very sad heart, i look at the bankbooks, accounts, suppliers, customers, the mountains of files we’ve accumulated, or the mess the office is in because we moved it around again (and again and again)– and i cant help but wonder if it has all been worth it. i cant help but think, “take this cup from me”.

there is one common factor in this mess: me. my poor leadership, my out-of-control temper, my lack of follow-through. more glaring now than ever, my inability to be organised, my constant excuse that someone else (mum perhaps) will deal with this– or i’ll do it when the time comes because its not crucial now.

arun’s voice plays in the background, as i listen to the recording of “still” that he made for me many moons ago. maybe its time to be a little still, and hear.

my heart broke a little today.

Staying on in NY until the 11th..

BACK IN SG ONLY ON THE 13TH.

(hello broadway!)

this year has many differences from the last year. for one, it has been alot better on the nerves and alot less tears over the company. i think it is safe to say i’ve finally settled into the routine, the daily dramas and of course, the workload. i think i have learnt this year, to manage my time a little better, to sleep a little earlier,  to start going to the gym and all in all i have gotten my working life pretty together and on track.

the company is doing great, and i do hope i can say the same at the end of 2010. yes, there is the odd sleepless night over this and that, but in general, it is going just great.  i am keeping a look out for the next big project already and i cant wait to see it take off. 2009 also was the year Dad and i became full fledged partners– as in away with the prescriptives and in with the mutual respect and to a fair extent reliance. it is a good partnership and one i think we both mutually appreciate. although i cannot lie and have to admit, we both being very headstrong and quick tempered have—and oh boy trust me– our issues, but i think 2010 will be kind to teach us both how to handle it.

emotionally i think i am stronger this year than i was last year. i guess that’s called growing up, growing more independent (without the pea and the hufflepuff). just being better at managing myself. my resolution (and because this is the first day of the new year i am entitled to my resolution) is : calm. to pursue calm.

om.

but having said that, this 2009 has been great. we ushered in the new year with these crazy bunch here in our tiny apartment in NY, rather than to chase the illusive ball at time square. (or rather watch it drop). justin & tsu lynn, vikram, hansel & ching, the pea and i.  and today we also had zixuan & nicho join us, it was great fun.

i know i sound like i havent quite been enjoying new york, but i’ve really settled in here, its gonna be sad to leave the pea behind. and his friends are wonderfully nice. the doorman is so friendly he teases me everytime i leave the building (note to self: remember to buy small gift for them) , new yorkers are generally quite friendly (though there seems to be some coffee addiction here in the air, its a little terse in the mornings, until they get a hit of coffee at the coffee stand– then they’re all chatty and all smiles.

i miss bronco and the rest of them back home. i see his face in so many of the puppies here. i told the pea, if i was to stay in NY for a spell, i’ll buy me a pug. its like the perfect dog for NY. :) and i got kissed by this fat sloppy bulldog (protruding lower lip and slimy drool and all)– it was funny, we were at the train station.

speaking of trains, i love love love the cross-country trains here (not the subway)– they are so comfy its unbelievable, and the people on the trains are great. we met this little old lady going to florida, to catch her a tan– and the conversations we had on the trains with these other ladies, regarding foods, produce, schools, the american way of life.. hahaha. i am sure i’ll think back fondly of these days.

its going to snow tomorrow. finally. i havent actually seen snow fall in new york. saw snow fall in west point, and in boston, and in bridgeport, but havent seen snow fall in NY. we have seen snow that already fell (12 inches during the snow storm), that turned grey and slushy.

heading off to bed, we’re off to the natural history museum tomorrow.

night world.

i dont know if time in new york passes fast or slow, i cant decide. i am by nature, not an early riser, but over here, in the cold, i find myself up at the ungodly hour of 8 am, fretting about the business back home. it is funny, i usually am pretty slow and prickly in the mornings. here, i get out of bed, fold up whatever needs folding (clothes pile, duvet) then head off to the kitchen to make breakfast.

my time here (since west point) can be remembered by the food cooked really. back from west point, the pea and i were exhausted, grumpy and all in all over exerted. after the 2 hour bus ride (slow traffic due to the snow), we took the subway back to this part of the woods. the walk was bad (cold due to the snow, slushy due to the snow, long and slippery due to the snow), but we got home, too exhausted, so we called in take-out. unfortunately, it didnt come with the little chinese carton boxes ala movies. neither did i get a fortune cookie. i hear though they are orange flavoured fortune cookies. so its alright. i dont want them anyway.

then the next night i made oden for dinner (yes, there’s this terribly messy japanese supermarket here in greenwich, which had everything), it was lovely and piping hot. then there was chicken stew (leftover daikon) & porridge the next night, fried mee pok, then there was vegetable broth (leftover daikon) with sweet potatoes. its funny and i am thankful the pea accepts my strange eating habits because the night after we had porridge, we had porridge for breakfast. i schemed it such that there would be left over porridge in the pot, and i had pickles pickles and more pickles with it. the yellow japanese ones, and the brown ones, stewed sweet with roe.

dont get me wrong, we do eat out, alot. yes, dont worry i am getting my fix of american grub. the pea eats 3 full meals a day. lunch is usually diner grub. omelettes, burgers, hotdogs..

last night we stayed at the waldorf astoria. it was lovely. truly lovely. i liked every minute of it. we had the best fillet mignon in our lives– yes, the decadence of in-room service. the room had a walk in closet, how wonderful is that?! and oh my, dont get me started on the sheets.  i think the decision to actually stay at the Waldorf was right, seriously.

then, true to his word, the pea and i went to bloomingdales, to central park (& wollman skating rink) then to serendipity 3. (remember my wish for a serendipity christmas?). oh the desserts at serrendipity! oh the sundaes! mother of god, they were good. we each ordered a different one. and oh my, we ate till we were a little green. i mean it. we both were laughing at ourselves after because my tummy actually stuck out from ice-cream. (more so than usual, so that’s saying something) and we only managed to each eat half of our respective sundaes.

pictures to come.

oh yea, i did get lost. as in separated from the pea. it happened in the strand. this massive 3 floor bookshop. they have this amazing rare book section. first editions. i asked for permission to open one, boy did that feel like a sacrilege. oh my god. visual orgasms. floor to ceiling of all these old (i mean really really old) books. there was the first edition of JK Rowling’s Sorcerer’s stone, chair, which i wanted, but i very much like the Philosopher’s Stone version better. i think only you would get the difference.

anyway, the pea and i got separated because i, obviously wandered too far off on my own. the bottom floors are like kinokuniya. oh my. we spent a good 2 hours just in the strand.

sorry this post is very rambly, i am still having the tummy ache from serendipity’s amazing sundaes. (do you know there’s always a queue for serendipity? on weekends the wait can be up to 4 hours), hence the pea decided to have a simple vegetable broth for dinner tonight. just wnated to jot down these memories and then expound on them when there’s more time.

we scored tix to the nutcracker at the Lincoln on jan 2!

oh yea, and i am finally over the jet lag. it was so bad the pea and i popped out to actually buy me some sleeping aids. it is so weird, because i usually can sleep anywhere anytime, but this body is getting old maybe– or just being disagreeable. so at nights i spend awake and hooting like an owl (literally, hahaha)  and the days i am ready to snap off the pea’s head.

yes yes i am taking in the sights of new york as well. and — i’ve finished 4 books in the last week i’ve been here,  i blame the jet lag.

i will expound and reedit this post. right now we’re gonna catch a movie. :)

merry christmas.

The pea and I are snowed in – literally. New York is facing one of its coldest days yet, and we’re experiencing what they call – euphemistically – a “blustery” day.  Blustery, apparently, is about 10-15 inches of snow. Go figure. By the way, the temp’s now about -15 degrees celcius, coz we’re up in the mountains. No bears though, that’s a relief.

We’re up in west point, about an hour and a half from NYC. The views are breath-taking, and the weather takes your breath away. Literally. We’re very cold. And we tried to catch snow flakes on our tongues! The snow here is virgin right, pure as they come. We left our first trails in the snow tonight, and with trembling fingers took a few pictures to remember this night.

We’re on a military academy. But as far as we see, everything’s covered in white. It’s lovely, with its naked trees. And at night, with the street lights on, you can actually see the snow being blown horizontally. Such is the strength of the wind here. We had dinner in the dining hall downstairs, and watched old couples sway to a live band belting out oldies. Really crappy dancing, but they did it anyway. Guess it must be something about being up here in the mountains.

We hope to return to the city tomorrow. The Hudson is already semi-frozen, and after the snow, it’s sure to freeze up completely. After the snow, activities like trekking, boating and fishing are out of the question. Haha. As if I’m that kinda girl anyways.

In love with snow. But my nose is freezing off. The pea says I have to cover my ears if not they’ll fall off too. I have taken to wearing my fluffy eye-pillow (the one to block out light when sleeping on the plane, except this one is fluffy and bought in Japan on transit) on my face to cover my nose.  It is quite a sight. Never thought I’d say this, but I miss the city, after only 12 hours out here. The winds are just too much to handle up here in the mountains, amongst other things. 

By the way, we didn’t pack extra clothes – we only came wearing 3 layers each, and brought spare underpants. Note to self: never – NEVER – head off upstate without packing at least another layer again. Guess we’ll be hitting the giftshop for sweaters tomorrow! Did I mention that it was MINUS 15 degrees?!?

hi dears, am currently blogging from terminal 2, and am off for the next 3 weeks to the big apple to spend some time with the boy~

popped my appropriate pills and am looking forward to getting some rest.

thank you for the advance birthday wishes; i will certainly miss home.

ann, if you read this tonight: bring the puppies’ beds to your room pls, and make sure they have enough water for the night. remember to feed them at nights and bathe them every wed and sat. bronco doesnt need to bathe that often actually, but pixie definitely does. please remember that bronco likes beef and pixie likes fish. if anything looks off about the dogs, please do not hesitate to send them to the vet– and make sure you go with dad/mum (especially dad).  check on simba’s skin please– and act accordingly. :) i will miss you most of all. be a good girl, and i’ll see you on skype darling girl. be patient with dad, and try to help him as much as you can– remember it takes you 20 minutes to do it but it will take him an hour. so do your best to help him with the emails and stuff. DO try to enjoy christmas ok. i mean it– dont just stay home and watch glee. go out; hang out with your little friends. you can have my room for stayovers if you want!

:) hugs and kisses,

c

PS: pea, if you read this, i will see you 18 dec 9.30 am NY time at JFK. xoxo.

so the boyf calls and offers a bed time story because he knows i’m too wired up to get some sleep.

and i turn him down (why, i also dont know). the little prefect is sleeping in my bed, and no matter how i prod at her, she refuses to wake up to even acknowlege my inability to fall asleep.

bugger.

anyway, i sat here, and ended up tearing up over missing cooper. oh my god. its been so long since cooper passed, and i still miss the bugger. i miss how he’d whine and whine the whole day through, i miss how he’d let me cuddle him to sleep. i miss how chicken he was when he’d run from the rabbits. i miss how he’d sit in the tub of water during his bath not daring to move. i miss how he’d forget how big he got and try to sit in my lap whenever i sat on the floor. i miss how he’d come and sleep with me when i snooze down stairs. i miss how he’d be so in love with mango he stopped eating for days when she went missing. i miss cooper.