with love.

“I wish i knew how to say it in your language, but there isn’t any word for it. it is not affection, like a man feels for his parents, or respect, like a man of your country feels for his wife, or lust that a man feels for a courtesan. it is more than those, much more. it is the feeling that binds a man to a woman for ever. in my language we call it rabu –“love”. that is what i feel for you.”

— Lesley Downer, The Last Concubine.


my hufflepuff

because i’m getting married.

and of all my friends, my hufflepuff will probably feel it the most; so here’s a little comfort baby: wherever you go I am never far.

pictures from guangzhou, 2012.

i maintain that my hat is cute.

happy cos some really nice guys put our heavy luggage up for us.

because she understands my love for jackets and lets me bring one, buy 2 –on a two day trip– and wear them all.

as you can tell, its mostly pictures of me because she’s rather paranoid about strangers looking at her pictures online.

see our tired faces.

we’re too old to be cute, love.

but we can always try.

plane delay; i was clearly not too happy. hufflepuff had to push me around on the luggage trolley.

monday nights always gets me down

yea, i need it to rain a little. i need the night to sparkle a little, just a little please.

it all started with this tiny teeny stray puppy i saw this morning. i wanted to stop for it, but i was rushing to get denn to work, so i told myself i’d look for it on the way home. futile search effort, probably because i was sleepy. not that i want/need/can afford another pooch. i just felt i needed to help. it looked so helpless. was going to convince any friend of mine to take it in, save a soul.

then the awful tummy; urgh. churning churning churning the whole damn day. think i might be having a mild stomach flu, i dunno. i hope not.

then crap hit the fan with a particularly prickly problem at work, then mercilessly unending phonecalls to distract, irritate and disturb, then reviewing my overly short deadlines.

denn’s one liner of the day; “you mean to spend the week before your wedding doing stocktake reconciliation?!”  i retorted in a deadpan, “you didn’t expect any different did you?” wait till i explain to him this week i have to finish the accounts, before i can spend time next week doing the stocktake reconciliation. mind you, its manual reconcilation, not the use-a-PDA type of reconciliation. paper and pen to excel. 21 outlets. do the math.

he thinks for a while then he says “okay, i’ll help you.”

four words.  the wonderful thing is, i remember my first ever stocktake reconciliation, and the shock of how much work it was. and how he was there through it all as well. so he knows exactly what he is getting himself into. little wonder i’m in love with this man right?

the song goes: “when god made (dennis), he must have been thinking of me too.”

the first signs of jitters

It is 15 days away!

so i told myself, i’ll blog it, the first signs of jitters. 15 days, the first nervous jump-out-of-bed. i have been expecting it and it is later than i expected.

well, a good dinner out yesterday with my cedar girls proved to be very therapeutic, if not for a good laugh and an overfull, distended belly. my lovely friends always makes me forget i’m having a wedding in 2 weeks and i really should watch the diet. haiya, everyday i forget. so nevermind. i don’t think anyone will be sick enough to call me fat on my wedding day. i’d like to believe that there is human dignity left in the world.

most things are done, but in usual celia fashion, its an organised chaos. today, and in this specific moment: i am thankful for:

pearlyn, who soothe my very-easily-ruffled feathers, bright and early, with the promise that all will be well, just leave it to her.

zeke, who spent 3 hours trying to sit me down to just plan the wedding, and bless his soul, came up with our timings, roles, responsibilities (none for me! yay!) etc.

cherie, who crafts and makes beautiful things for my wedding; and for the last minute help when i realised well, hur, we have no party favours. you’re never too thick in the trouble when you’ve got a sister. and lucky for me, i have two.

roys and tien, who without knowing why or how or what, respond with “you know i’d take a bullet for you” when i ask for wedding support and help.

brennan, whose willing and loving heart touches mine.

steph, rage and jinx, who make me giggle over the sillyness of worrying over things beyond my control. and whose friendship teaches me that we are never too old to learn to pole dance.

feeling calmer now, so that’s good. its really not a case of the swimming duck where you can’t see me frantically paddling away under the surface. i’m really doing good. i am armed with a list of TTD (things to do) and i am systematically going down the list. tons of friends (thank you God) have offered help and advice, and so i still have contingency plans. (i do wish more of them would RSVP though!)





my weekend took a very surprising turn, having to give up a session i was really looking forward to, to do some last minute weekend work.

the parents are away, a much needed getaway for both of them really. thankful that they’ve got a bit of time to spend with just each other, a break from this wild life we lead.

as denn works his weekend away, after a good lunch, a long bath and a cuddle with the pups, i sit here, on the cusp of sleep, dreaming of my own soon-to-come break.

today’s musings is about winterwear. we’re not expecting snow in New Zealand, but it is winter after all. and this holiday, (i told dennis) i am not going to buy functional simple-easy-to-match-things. which is really my usual style (or lack thereof).

i’ve always loved the duffle jacket. with the little loop buttons. like the one paddington bear wears.

i’ve got one in cheerful yellow. which i bought in Guangzhou a couple of months back when the cold got too cold to bear in my sable coloured trench-coat.   so, everything has to be planned around my yellow duffle jacket.

something like this, except puffy, because we’re going to the glaciers!:

i know. its not the easiest colour to match anything with. le sigh.

i’ve always wanted a pair of Uggs, but a New York winter is not the right enviroment for Uggs, which would have died (or smell like something died) in the slushy snow aftermath.

to go with the crochetted uggs, or the ones that are so ugly i just have to have them:


and the ever-so-essential winterhats (and matching gloves)– okay. i’m not sure if the kiwis wear winter hats. and i dont care, i’m asian. they’d forgive me. my ears get blessedly red then numb then painful, cos they stick out of my head thus catching more wind. okay, that sounded awkward. you know what i mean.

dennis, upon hearing my plans says ” great, darling, i’ll just wear my leather jacket” then dismisses me and turns back to his double-screened workstation…

now, to plan how to get rid of that stupid leather jacket so i can get him a matching set.