R is for rekindle

E and I are learning our alphabets – A is for Apple, B is for ball.. etc. This blog titles are so fitting. 

So this year (2017) a close Friend of mine challenged me to write more– I’ve stopped writing — he said. I countered with “do you know how many emails I write a day!? It’s no longer fun.” But on days like these when I am frazzled and my mind races in a million directions and I am not in the mood to do anything else, I think why not wax lyrical for the 3 people who frequent my blog even though my last post was a year ago. (Yay, you!) 

Apart from the busy-work which is my life, I am mummy to little E whom I fear I cannot keep up with. Today this freshly minted two – year old changed the words of the finger song– “where is mummy, where is mummy.. I don’t know, I don’t know!” And while part of me marvels at her little nimble mind, I wonder if this is her being cheeky or if she sings this when I am otherwise engaged at work. 

Most of parenting is guilt and self doubt, I think.  I am not spending enough time with her, she’s going to start speaking with a Filipino accent (I do love our helpers). Is she eating enough, pooping enough– oh Gawd I don’t even know what she ate, or when/if she pooped. 

Staying home with her is equally trying – am I too controlling? Am I letting her run too wild, am I disciplining her too much? Why does she tiptoe all the time? Should we be out in the sun– the beach? The zoo? The park? Why can’t she put food in her mouth without causing a huge mess? Why won’t she eat!? How do people do this all day? Oh God, when does D get home, I need adult conversation. Oh man, did I give her water at all today? 

And then, on the day she turned 2, my bff texted to say how well I’ve done– look how far we’ve come, and I am filled to tears with love, for this impossible unreasonable creature that came from me. How far we’ve come indeed.