breathe, c. breathe.

hello guys, been a while– and unfortunately i haven’t quite been as occupied with my kindle as i would have liked (in fact it got hijacked last week by the little sister, but i like that she is reading, so i am not complaining).

its been a hectic few weeks with a new tender begining, a new tender results release, a death in the family, new staffing (woes), and congested weekends. i don’t think i am stressed out, but i am definately acting out, by snapping at those near and dear (sorry!).

grandpa (dad’s side) passed away last week. i stayed the night at the hospital the night before he passed, and quite honestly i think that was just the beginning of the whirlwind. the rest of the week was grandpa’s wake, and as Chinese funerals go, the seven-day wake has been exhausting for the whole family, physically and emotionally. was trying to juggle running errands for the family, work meetings which could not be cancelled and other miscellaneous. i think funerals are more emotionally draining, also because you are suddenly thrown in close proximity of your extended family, for such an intense period of time. i am thankful i got to catch up with some of my cousins.

it  only really dawned on me after i sent the nephew bub home yesterday, i was holding a pen, and i must have put it down somewhere in the car, then suddenly i couldn’t remember where in the world i left it. and as if a demon possessed, it suddenly became imperitive to me that i find this said pen, and i got the pea to stop the car in the middle of binjai estate to help me look for it, frantic. i wasnt so concerned about the pen as per se, but the fact that (1) its a small car, and has only to be around the passanger seat (2) i knew i was holding it, but i didnt register putting it down at all (3) why the hell can’t i find something when i want it. anyway long and short. catalyst to panic attack. then coming home to doing work till 2 am in the morning. then fielding so many calls this morning my phone battery is dead, at 1 pm in the afternoon.

so i stop, to breathe and clear my mind. just breathe, and cuddle salty a little while. next meeting in half an hour, so from now till then i want to just sit here quietly and breathe deeply.