chasing the z-s.

something ticks in my head these days and i haven’t been able to sleep. my dog whimpers in the night, and my boyfriend gives the occasional snore, but otherwise its silent in my room, save the whirling fan and the bugs that sleep in the garden. my dog lies sprawled on his back, balls exposed. the boyfriend sleeps in the same position, but has pants on.

the days have flown by in a blur. i missed both my ex-boyfriends birthdays. and i only realised i forgot on the birthday of my ex’s ex. ie, sera’s birthday, on the 27th. d and i were talking in the car, and i turned to him and asked if it was already july, and he said “no, its the 27th” “of June?” incredulous stare “yes, of course –..of june” “hmmm, sera’s birthday” “who?” “seraphina. you know, ryan’s seraphina” second incredulous stare. “why the fuck do you know sera’s birthday?” flashback of her yelling at R & i in the park on HER 21st Birthday. “erm.. well..” then i go on. his atm pin used to be a combination of both their birthdays, naturally i remember her birthday well. d stares at me, and mutters, “you’re a funny girl”. and i laugh at myself.

like i said, R’s birthday on the 24. S’s on the 27th. K’s on the 18th.

stop. rewind. i am having a conversation with my boyfriend (whom my mother called son-in-law just tonight at dinner) about my ex-es. and get this, he’s totally okay about it. d asks, “when’s A’s??” and the little bubble pops in my throat, it seems though A doesn’t quite qualify as ex, they all seem to ask me about him in such conversations. took me a while to recall the date–eight of nov, happy belated A. well i missed all their birthdays. happy belated boys, if you read this at all. i am not shrugging it off, i am genuinely busy and i really forgot.

happy birthday sera, if you even remember who i am, i hope life has been better to you since your 21st birthday.

i didn’t forget d’s birthday–but he did remind me weeks in advance that it was coming. i bought him dinner and then a round of drinks for the boys, who came down for the surprise. we both cant remember what the gift was, but he certainly remembers his last birthday with a cheeky grin.

i am tired. but i cannot sleep– not after knowing such delicious dreaming last night, makes me wanna lick my lips and purr.

happy birthday melbourne boys–may the night winds carry these secrets to your ears.

i dont usually get so sentimental

i wouldnt call myself a fan, but i certainly can appreciate his contributions to music. i think Michael Jackson is really, such a household name, such an amazing artist–and someone who really lived with a passion and put his heart and soul into music.

i remember, when the Laser Disc first came out. the huge ones. my sister’s godpa bought us all a LD. mine was a very sweet show called Curly Sue, and she got the Michael Jackson concert. do you remember jie, the black LD cover with the 2 eyes staring back at you?

i watched the CNN tribute today, how his music rehabilitated the lives of the convicts in the phillipines’ jail. they introduced dance as a rehabilitation programme, and they all dance to MJ’s songs. i watched brillant music talents tear up and cry. but, there’s this haunting feeling– this child-ness in MJ’s conversational voice that unnerves me.

no, i do not and never did believe he touched those boys.

ctc integrates

there is a castle on a cloud; i like to go there in my sleep
aren’t any floors for me to sweep; not in my castle on a cloud

it has been a fufilling week for me, a hectic but certainly satisfying week for me.

(one more half way done; and then i’d have 2.); can’t wait.

once it takes off, the tinkerbel and i are going away for a much much deserved ‘spa’ holiday and bask in the glorious sun. :)

until then, nose to the grinder, heave-ho, hai-ho, its off to work we go!

some things in life i will never forget

i am twenty-four, just dangling my feet into the cool waters of being WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR, and still wanting the fairytale goodnight stories, and a kiss and a cuddle.

but there are some things in life i would never forget, just as i feel pain will always leave a scar, if not a resonnance that comes back to mind, again and again, at good times, at unexpected times.

this is not an angry vengeful post.

but there’s that old familar feeling.

when you hear your cellphone’s incomming sms tone. the race to get to the phone, just to see if the person you’re fighting with (be it ex, mum, or current beau) sent that sms. the way your breath hitches until you;re done reading it before begining again. the cold chill going down your spine. that bubbling abandonment, right down in one’s gut. the inability to breathe, and your mind spirals down into ridiculous directions you know they are crazy but you cant help it anyway.

an old familiar feeling ol’ chum.

i’ve been meaning to write this post for 2 weeks now. i realised it is probably butchered by time and my lack of beautiful words.

will keep writing. dont give up on me yet.

so i am back

for the last 4 days there was no talk of profits or losses or

talking about HR or Finance or how messy my office is (or more specifically, how “zero” my admin is)

it was just temple tours with the pea, we went to 4 temples: angkor wat, angkor thom, the pink temple and the jungle temple. we went to the war museum, the artisan’s village, the Huge lake (tong le sap) with its floating villages, the cultural village, the traditional dances.

there is little wonder angkor wat is one of the wonders of the world, it is breathtaking (and sweat-inducing), i know it would be perfect in the cool mornings and watching the sun rise through the windows and walkways. but alas, we had limited time so we hit the temples in the scorching heat of the afternoon.

we muchly michly enjoyed the khmer cuisine, and wish we could find good eateries here. we love their sour soup and their amok fish.

photos soon, for now, i wonder (perhaps unpleasantly so) who’s going to be the first to try to guilt me for taking the weekend off.