T is for Thirty!

I turn 30 in a week and for such a big milestone birthday, i guess i expected a lot more aplomb and excitement but instead, i find myself feeling.. what’s the word for it? ah, there it is.. grateful. 

Now that i have a child of my own, i think turning 30 made me think about the sacrifices and the love my parents have showered on me all these years.

Ping Birthday

oh the trauma mum went through! there is something about the raw bestiality of childbearing that makes me appreciate my mum that much more, especially because she had a really tough pregnancy with me. and then she probably realised that was the easiest part? did she know that day her life would forever change? i was a tough baby, an even worse, clingy and needy child, a defiant teenager, an absent young adult and a stubborn and strong-headed adult. thank you mum, for the loving patience and all encompassing love that you’ve demonstrated with me and with my sisters and now our children. you are twice the woman i’d ever be.

“it takes a village to raise a child” and don’t i know it? raising a child is scores harder than birthing a child — and i have plenty to be thankful for, for dad who is my lunch buddy and supper kah-ki. i dont think dad has ever refused me a lift anywhere or denied me anything i wanted  needed. dad’s my closest friend and there is nothing we cannot talk about and he is the parent i aspire to be. dad teaches me the meaning of putting his children first in all things; and that family sticks up for each other, no matter what.

ah, i am misty eyed.

maybe because i am spending this milestone birthday away from them with my new family– if everything goes according to plan, the three of us will be taking in the night parade at Disneyland on my birthday.

what a timely break, i have found myself stuck in a rut for a while, emotionally. it is not easy to do a long distance relationship, especially with such a young child. i know we’ve got it better than most. (we have so much help!) but its still different to live apart — and to be completely honest, Denn and i are used to doing alot together, so it does feel like i am not whole without him.

i’d be travelling up with my in-laws, and then we’d have some tan-family time in Napa Valley, then we’re all headed to Disneyland before we split off from the main group. Denn, E and I are heading to San Diego/ Santa Monica while the Other 4 Tans are heading to Vegas! This would be the first time Dennis and i would truly be alone with Elizabeth with no external help and i am really looking forward to it. (praying for patience!) We will all then head back to SF for christmas and new year’s.

i have much to be thankful for this birthday.

Lotsa Love,

C

P is for Packing List

We leave for SF to join Dennis on friday morning, and i have to admit, i am really stressed out about it. a couple of nights ago, my dad came to sit with me when i was battling a migraine, and told me “its a stress headache”.

Elizabeth has been the sweetest baby, all smiles and content to sit in her carrier, sleeping and eating on schedule, able to play quietly by herself, engaged with books and toys for long periods. until last week. suddenly she has learnt a new skill: defiance. pushing boundaries, threw a few tantrums and i have to admit it has given me quite a shock. and frustrations.

Facebook has this feature where it reminds you what happened on this day X no. of years ago, and sent me a notification that on this day, 2012, i attended a friend’s wedding and this song played — filling me with peace.

what a lovely song, and what a wonderful reminder that despite all the hassle and bustle — i’m going to fly over to Dennis, and what a happy reunion that would be. i’ve been so caught up being so frustrated over Elizabeth and packing logistics that i forgot the reason why i am going over — to be with my beloved. to look forward, to be basking in his attention and love.

When Love is Found

When love is found and hope comes home,
Sing and be glad that two are one.
When love explodes and fills the sky,
Praise God and share our Maker’s joy.

When love has flow’red in trust and care,
Build both each day that love may dare
To reach beyond home’s warmth and light,
To serve and strive for truth and right.

When love is tried as loved-ones change,
Hold still to hope though all seems strange,
Till ease returns and love grows wise
Through list’ning ears and opened eyes.

When love is torn and trust betrayed,
Pray strength to love till torments fade,
Till lovers keep no score of wrong,
But hear through pan love’s Easter song.

Praise God for love, praise God for life,
In age or youth, in husband, wife,
Lift up your hearts, let love be fed
Through death and life in broken bread.

i have much to be thankful for, and looking forward to.