Letters from the Valley: take off

I love plane rides. There is nothing to be done on the plane but rest, be quiet, read. In the company of strangers, where one can truly be oneself– ugly sleeping face and snoring, for all I care; they do not know me, or care to. That one safe haven away from the Internet — no texts, no phone calls. Me time. I pour over the pages of my book, I watch the movies i meant to but never did.Denn will attest to me sleeping for hours, take off to landing. DND for meals.

This flight is different, somehow. There is a nervousness, in the clench of my stomach that causes my eye to twitch and my shoulder to stiffen. I am restless and I can’t explain it. I protest! I was looking forward to this solace! I thought I would be sleeping my way through the flight! 2 tabs x novomin (I have bad flying ears) 2 hours ago; but here I am, sitting in the dark, still searching for Mr Sandman.

Is this the difference being a Mother? Am I worried about little Elizabeth back home, hence the unsettled being? Someone said having a child is like having your heart permanently outside your body. Maybe this is what it is. My solace has now become my vulnerability. I worry, what if she is having her bout of colic again? What if she finally learnt to make that turn in her sleep? What if what if.

My sister told me, I will learn to deal with the guilt of leaving her behind. That I may even cry enroute to the airport. Well I didn’t. I went for a 3 pm meeting that took me to 4.30 pm (coincidentally the client offices are at airport terminal 2) and then dad and I hung out for an hour at terminal 3 with some coffee. I packed my schedule so I did not need to deal with this emotion of leaving Elizabeth behind. I Guess this is why I am awake now?

The world conspires against me. Usually on flights there would be some people watching the screen or reading or working. Not in my segment! What is going on guys? The whole cabin segment is asleep! I just took a walk around. I don’t even see the crew! Twilight zone much? Perfect sleeping environment! Can you tell I am stressing out over nothing?

*post edit: was a blessing in disguise that I couldn’t sleep on the plane, as I arrived SFO at 8 pm last night! Dinner then bed, a lot easier after sleep eluded me on the plane! Am hoping this jet lag would pass quickly! 

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Author: c

my world, out of your reach

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