4am thoughts are unkind to the soul, especially when the bed is empty and work stress creeps in. I know parenthood is supposed to be this wonderful new phase of life, but this night I wonder if somewhere along the lines I lost myself in the melee. Art by kurt Halsey
I sometimes joke that E is the new and improved versions of D and I. She has the best of both of us– mainly she takes after her father, and bless him, he is the most patient person. E is gentle and settled, secured and cheerful– and sometimes I wish I had those qualities too. Parenthood brings out the best in us, and the worst of us — and both have surprised me. Heights and depths, I wonder how much of it is a natural process and how much is me. D tells me, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s happening and we deal with it accordingly.
I hope being a parent makes me a better person.
I met an old friend recently, and thought back on the person I was when we were close– and i ask myself, how do I go back to that? Then I think, what does that mean? Do I like my younger self more, or do I just not like the me I have become?
And while this all sounds juvenile (and trust me, I am way past the “who am I?” Age) I wonder if this is what we call the human condition. I babble, because my mind whirls with a million thought processes at the same time.
Long day tomorrow– I hate long weekends; they make the Monday (metaphorically speaking) blues that much worse.