R is for Rumble

It’s never quiet in my head, always a constant rumble. There is literally an unending list of to – do,  and when i finally reach the last item on the list, I get to begin it all over again.

There is so much more I could be doing. Aspects of the business to develop. Aspects of the business to clean up, pare down. Administration. 5 year plans (say what?) 10 year plans (hahaha). Some days I can’t see past the next morning. Some days, hell, i can’t see past my frigging nose. Wanna see me get an Instant anxiety attack? Ask me what happens after the contract ends it’s run.

“Oh, you so lucky you get to travel as and when you like, meet people for lunch, as and when you like, take naps as and when you like..”

Hey. I can’t frigging remember the last single day (in Sg or out) I didn’t think about the business, or not worried about it. In fact I am even more stressed out of the country than being in Sg. Ask to see a copy of my phone bill when I went on my honeymoon. Do you know what’s it like to not be able to shut off your mind? Oh you so lucky, my ass.

Meeting friends for lunch is such a perk. But let’s compare those numbers to the number of meals with friends I’ve had to miss over work commitments.  The number of family meals I’ve had to skip or spent on the phone, because there was something that had to be done like now. oh you so lucky , my ass.

2 am nights? That’s a norm in this household. Can you immediately fall asleep after crunching numbers? I can’t.  I take another hour to wind down. Begrudge me my naps? I’ll gladly trade those in for the ability to finish all work related matters at 6 pm. Oh you so lucky, my ass.

Hey. I love what I do. I do. And i have evolved my own ways of coping. I can’t live any other way. I can’t do this any other way. But it pisses me right off, when people shoot their mouths off without thinking about how it makes the other person feel.

Life’s too short to be bitchy. 

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c

my world, out of your reach

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