see, i have a few guilty pleasures; one of which being reading lelove– it’s a repository of love stories, of break up hurts, of new-found love, of confessions one cannot utter otherwise. i love the raw emotions there, and i think some of those writers should write books rather than blogposts. it never fails to start the waterworks (you’ve been warned!).
so tonight, i valiantly went to bed at 7.30 pm; said goodnight to everyone and turned off all the lights in my bid to recuperate from an eventful and tiring weekend. i’m starting to look like a panda, literally. actually managing to fall asleep. 2 hours later, i’m up; i effectively took a 2 hr nap which means it will be a long time more before i actually go to bed for real this time. hence, trolling lelove.
what is your stand on “never letting you go” vs “i’ll let you go as far as you want, and when you’re ready to come back, i’m right here”? i struggle with this constantly. part of me never wanted to let my friends go too far, lest i lose sight of them, or more like they lose sight of me. part of me never wanted to let my sister grow up, lest i lose her to the pace of the world. part of me never wanted to let boyfs dabble into the wild life, lest they make a mistake i cannot forgive.
i don’t know if i’ve ever said it out loud, my greatest fear is abandonment.
hence the separation anxiety issues, which i am pretty sure i haven’t quite grown out of. if that makes me childish, so be it. but the truth is, i constantly worry about being left out, left behind, or left. and this extends to the parents, the forever boyf, the sisters, even to friends.
that’s why this quote is so utterly romantic to me.
i dont constantly have my loved ones on my mind. i don’t; i work and i have meetings and i need an enormous amount of celia-time. but when i get it in my head that something is not right, it becomes somewhat of an obsession to fix it, or to confront it, or to not-leave-it-alone. but these days, i’ve been trying to learn to just leave things be. leave it alone. part of me feels though, i have to confess, this new modus operandi makes me feel like i’m losing myself.