maybe its a post wedding high, or more like post new zealand high, coming back to reality has not been easy. in fact its been awful. on top of being backlogged (that always stresses me out), but also suddenly finding my social calendar a little fuller than i’m used to. trying to deal with being a wife, a daughter-in-law, daughter, neice, sister, friend. having a fixed dinner plan (monday with so and so, tuesday with so and so..), i find myself unable to breathe.
this has taken its toll on my crazy tummy. my doctor cautions that since i’ve had an ulcer before, i need to take extra care to slow down. it will not be pretty. small meals i can deal with, its the dinners that i have trouble keeping in. oh, i eat, i do eat, but my tummy seems to reject it.
over the course of the wedding, i have reconnected with old friends, turned acquintances into new friends, made where-did-you-come-from friends. while that makes me exceedingly happy, i have realised that Celia is just not that much of a social creature. i find myself lashing out at seemingly benign comments, besieiging my friends with whatsapp messages, and overall, being as a friend aptly put “a basketcase of emo”.
so i’m throttling back. this morning while denn is otherwise occupied and not home, i cleared my social calendar for the next 2 weeks. i just need to focus on me for a while, and i’m staying away from people, because i’ve sudden outbursts of giddy excitement, crazy anger and really an overall bad sense of timing for such things. need to refind the center, as per se.
there are alot of things in the pipelines on the business front. while it excites me, i know full well how draining it would be. there is a chance of going back to the fly-in-fly-out life and i can only be thankful that denn is fully supportive of me following my heart. its a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go back to doing what i truly love, and i want to be all in for it. not a half-baked effort, and achieving nothing really.
they say your real friends will never give up on you. i can only hope i should be so lucky. i’d stay forever if you let me.