We spent last night at the Mt John star observatory; it was breath-taking. And when you do catch your breath, it is taken from you again because your eyes adjust to even more darkness and you see even more of them stars.
I wouldn’t go as far as to call the experience spectacular; but it surely was beautiful. And humbling. How tiny we are in respect to the earth; and how tiny the earth is in respect to the sun, how tiny the sun is in respect to most everything else in space.
Makes you feel that maybe none of us are entitled to anything from anyone really; and how truly insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things.
And yet, the God that made all these magnificent bodies, made me too. And with such care that I look like no other, right down to my fingerprints and the odd shape of my ears.
I imagine him in his throne room with all these little balls of light floating around him, plucking one or two out randomly and juggling them, or practising catch with them. Maybe making one shine brighter or in brilliant colours.
Oh, to twirl Andromeda around his little finger as he thinks. And yet, there in his right hand, he has earth, zoomed in on me. Tuned right into my walkie-talkie frequency, knowing my exact waking moments and unspoken thoughts. And he’s tuned to me 24-7; just because he wants to be. He WANTS to be.
Isn’t it unconscionable then that I am not tuning it, except when its convenient? There are days, weeks even months that go by sometimes without me tuning in. And why should I, in my finite smallness, behave as if its a one-way walkie-talkie, with me sending up requests and prayers when it suits me?
I imagine God sitting here, chuckling over something funny I said, tapping his fingers (I think he might be bored) and thinking up an animal to look funnier than the platypus, staring into space (haha, pardon the pun). Then he shoots up, pencil in hand, excited to hear my voice over the walkie-talkie “Celia-to-God. Over” and before he can’t even respond I rattle on about something I NEED, WANT, AM ANGRY ABOUT. Then God clears his throat preparing to say something back when he hears “Celia-Nothing-Further-OUT!”
And instead of sitting back and stewing that he didn’t get his say (I know I would), he watches me try to attack whatever is bothering me with my miniscule human strength, and then pushes up his sleeves and makes a few calls.
Suddenly and instantly hearts soften, skies brighten, and my world (pardon the pun, again) is set right. And then he spies me doing a jump and a YES! punch, thinking it was me that moved that mountain. He laughs; and lets me go on thinking that, his ears still warm from holding the phone, as he paved the way for me. The entire way. Nothing that happened was my effort; but he lets me believe that.
Denn laughs as he asks me what I am writing. He says “oh boy, are you sure you’re not being sacrilegious on some level?”
But These are my thoughts now; and I really don’t think the Big Man up there feels any offense.