i love rainy days, denn always gets a little tickled by my ability to smell rain coming. i love it– rainy days are days where the views from your window demand you stop work for a minute and stare out.
but today i feel a little small– not in the petty sort of way, but the insignificant sort of way.
perhaps this is the time to wake up from this stupor of the bubble i’ve created around myself “because i run my own biz, i’m too busy to socialise”– but i really dunno how to deal with less than deep conversations. it frustrates me. its frustrating that it frustrates me, so i cut conversations short. its not that i cant make small talk, in fact, i love my biz friends– clients, staff, customers– i like the fun conversations we have, i make it a point to be sincere with them; and there’s no point lying because lying catches you in a bind. you never forget the truth; but you forget the tales you spin, so its easier that way.
dealing with a particular group of people always puts in this funk, and while we stopped contact with them a while back-; and i want to help out cos i particularly like this particular client– but i really had bad brushes with the rest of the group. and really, i dont speak their lingo; i dont share their interests.
then i look inwards, do i do the same? i’d hate to know i make others feel they’re not good enough, or cool enough, or knowledgeable enough, or rich enough, or fun enough to hang with me. i’m not trying to say i’m all that, but that’s certainly the insecurities i have felt dealing with different people. maybe its time i woke up and see how i subconciously make others feel small.
2012 is a year for sincerity. lets go C.