four months of living together

don’t get me wrong, i am not unhappy– but rather just bothered. my heart’s a little heavy.

about what i do not know, it could be the fact that going into the forth month of living together, the pea’s family decide they want to talk about our living arrangements — in fact that is happening tonight. the pea has decided that he wants to handle it on his own, so i am staying home and wondering what is going to happen. it’s funny isn’t it? you live the majority (mine at least) of your life single and ok on your own, and suddenly this person moves his jeans into your closet and his underpants next to yours and then he says he may not stay with you tonight, you panic about having to sleep on your own.

maybe i have taken this current situation for granted, this staying together and growing together. we did not choose this living arrangement for midnight whispers, but rather because we share the thought that it is about sharing a space that we need to go through. how well can you know a person without living with him first? and i have seen relationships that suddenly stop working when the couple live together (or try to live together); and you know, call me unorthodox, but seriously, as for me, i rather find out now, before those vows that last till death doth us part.

this may not be the way for most of us, but this is my choice, and i will stand by it. it has taken alot of sacrifices, and changes to the social-life scene. let’s just say there has been many lessons taught, and maybe some of us haven’t learnt them all. for example, when you live with someone, and your friends ask you out for dinner. i think it is only considerate that you not only inform the other, but make sure his/her dinner plans are taken care of, and if not so– perhaps then include him/her in your plans and your friends need to understand that. its not that we are conjoined at the hip, but we have a certain committment to the other. and you know, we have realised that true friends understand, and it is the very people that love you enough to accept the other half (and embrace him/her too) that we should really keep.

living together has been fun, mostly. part of the reason for the weight gain on both our parts is because for some reason we have peanut butter cravings in the night. we watch alot of cable tv and we play games before we sleep.  when i mean games i do mean games like settlers of catan.  we drive out for supper in the wee hours of the morning and meet our nocturnal friends in the parks. before we sleep we laugh and giggle, because bronco dives in to be between us often burrowing into the pillows and ending up with his face in the pea’s armpit. and since bronco has hard whiskers that tickle and the pea is very squirmish it is often immediately followed by a shock and a swear and i dunno which of them look more offended.

maybe i dont write enough about it, but i love the mornings when i wake up naturally, the air still dewy from the night before, the neighbour’s kids silent. those mornings where pixie is sitting by my pillow and the moment you make a movement and she sees you open your eye she pounces on your chest and licks your nose because you know she’s been sitting there for more than half an hour waiting for this moment. then you turn and look at the pea and bronco, who sleep in the same position with their arms flung above their head and flat on their backs. its funny, sometimes i giggle to myself about it. i should take a picture of it one day. then pull bronco in for a cuddle and nudge the pea a little, and the best thing is– and i mean it– watching the pea wake up with his stretching sounds and i always marvel how he can wake up all smiley and loving when i am the resident porcupine in the morning.

the pea moved in from the point he got back from new york and has moved most of his things from his room at his parent’s house to mine. i am thankful my parents are as cool as they are about this living arrangement, but then again they have always been very open minded. or perhaps its because dad really quite love-love the pea. they go off for their boys only lunches where they eat teochew food like teochew boys do. they often joke that they are the only 2 pure teochews in the house, which is not wrong. their palettes are distressingly similar, often veering on queer with peppery pig stomach/liver/kidneys and grey coloured goose meat and tasteless tofu soups. and dont even get me started on the fish. there’s only that much fish a person can stomach– we do not need fish at every meal. anyway, i digress. dad loves the pea, and its vice versa.

my parents, more importantly, respect the pea and i as adults and don’t try to tell us what to do (what they think is right) anymore. it has gone beyond the “you guys need to seriously consider getting a flat”, in fact, they neither rush us or push us to make decisions that we may not be ready for, or may not need to make at this point in time, simply because “everyone else is doing it” or because the national day rally indicated that the government will  be proposing certain benefits. my parents dont try to make decisions for us as well, and generally have nothing to comment about the way the pea and i spend (or don’t spend). i think certain credit need to be given to them– they treat us as adults ready to embark on a life together, and encourage us to choose our own paths as a couple. as a matter of fact, contrary to what most parents tell their daughters, mine usually remind me to start learning to respect the pea as the head of my still-to-come family and that “[I] do not need to make all the decisions all the time”. the thing i appreciate is really that they give us the space, to figure out what kind of life-partnership the pea and i would like when work, and life gets us down.

see the thing is, in my house there just is a certain (and i mean high) level of privacy with my own attached bathroom and the fact that i have essentially the back half of the house to myself. i mention the bathroom and this is important, ladies and gentlemen, because i have never had to share my bathroom space until the pea moved in. i shared it for a while with rita, but she very quickly moved downstairs and had her own bathroom (i think a large factor behind the move was really because we kept fighting over the bathroom. or more like, i was fighting because i didnt know how to share it). the pea’s parent’s house just dont afford me the level of privacy i need because of the layout of the rooms. the pea’s room over there is used as a thorough-fare and i hate, i absolutely hate having people walk in and out of my rooms. his parents are great, and the food there is awesome. its just the layout of the place. and this is what they have been used it, it is neither my place nor my desire to purport to change it.


Author: c

my world, out of your reach

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