dont forget your old loves

it all started because my parents decided to renovate the house in 2008. the same year i graduated from university. we packed boxes and boxes of our own memories up, sealed them and stored them. two years on, i had to be forced by the pea, and enabled by the hufflepuff (and huffleboy) to unpack them because it was getting ridiculous.

so, in the midst of unpacking, i found my old letters box. letters from old friends, including Dannyboy (my pen-pal, oh how i’ve missed your chicken scratch, danson!) SueAnn, the Brother, and well, ry.

then there’s A~, and i read through some of them, as many as i could bear without shaking my head and thinking wow, were were once this young, and this happy? and seriously, maybe, just maybe if i had shared these letters with someone, maybe that someone could have pointed out, how clear the signs were. me, being me, and as thickheaded as it comes, clearly didnt get it. and i wonder if he still holds the letters i wrote to him, maybe one day we’ld get the chance to put them side by side and piece the story back together.

but what would be the point, i ask myself, over and over. he made a choice, and i made one, that faithful trip to new zealand. and you know, i really think he’s forgotten it all. because i just met him (and his girlfriend) and he met the pea, and i do not recognise the boy from all those years ago. the friday letters, the studying at long john silvers, the green M&Ms, the icq conversations, the innocence about being sixteen and waiting for a boy/girl at the MRT station, the shy way we’d hold hands and pretended we weren’t.

but perhaps he is happier now, with the choices he has made, to come back here, to his life partner, to his work. i most certainly hope he is.

i wanted to write him a card, just to write a little note of encouragement to perhaps make him feel just a little better in a long week, but i ran out of words, and then i got sleepy.

in one of his letters (and there were many many many of them), he wrote not to forget him. maybe everyone writes that , especially in primary school where we sign autographs to the tune of “burn hot coffee, burn hot tea..” , but seriously, seriously. i haven’t.

we’re both 25, and having the time of our lives with our work. we’re both seeing different people, in different fields, and have nothing in common. i just wondered, and i would ask, would i matter enough, for him to make an effort to get to know the pea, just as i asked myself if i could get along with his girlfriend, so at least the 4 of us could have dinner, and hang out. maybe then, only then, can the 2 of us find our friendship again. with both our partners being comfortable with the situation.

but it is probably too long ago, and he’s probably forgotten, or perhaps i am mistaken, our childish alliance in our youth, not worth the effort.

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Author: c

my world, out of your reach

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