providence

Prov⋅i⋅dence[prov-i-duhns]
–noun

1. (often initial capital letter) the foreseeing care and guidance of God or nature over the creatures of the earth.
2. (initial capital letter) God, esp. when conceived as omnisciently directing the universe and the affairs of humankind with wise benevolence.
3. a manifestation of divine care or direction.
4. provident or prudent management of resources; prudence.
5. foresight; provident care.

It is a quiet night tonight, here in the office. There are neither stars nor moon from my window. The frogs are stilled tonight and the crickets have gone silent perhaps in anticipation of the rains to come. It is a still night, though it is not stale. It’s a slow night, a cold night.

It feels neither magical nor lackluster. It is just a feeling of being embraced by the night air really.  A one-ness with the night.

Today someone asked me, If I had always known I wanted to go into this business. If I wanted to go into business. Was it a child-hood dream or some burst of passion at Uni level.

My answer to him was a lie. But I told him, I’d always wanted to be a writer. (yes, I’ve had many things I wanted to be on crazy days, for example, a professional ballet dancer –but I have no rhythm, a dog-breeder—but I have no heart to rid the puppies, and most notably to my family, a panda. Maybe I’m still part-panda, internal joke). But alas, I was not gifted in words or beautiful lyrics, or a keen ear to meter and rhyme. So I can only read and be envious of great literature, and be constantly reminded of my convoluted diction and bad spelling and lackluster phrasing and inability to translate emotions into words as exacting as I would like it to be.

But through it all, I realise tonight, I am thankful.

I am thankful that the things I have undertaken have been, though not without glitch, but smooth sailing.

I am thankful for amazing support, people who stay by me and fight with me and scream with me and at me. Without the 3 of them we could not have accomplished what we have done together.

I am thankful I don’t have to worry about the company’s finances.

I am thankful for tinkerbell, my car-companion and the silly things we do and talk about on long drives to the middle of nowhere and everywhere. For putting up with my insane requests and for never screaming at me for the missed turns and the u-turns we make. For the comfort, knowing she’s got my back.

I am thankful for my team of staff, no hiccups, not much conflict (hurhur) and the genuine support they show me.

I am thankful for good relations with the clients, it makes it a joy to go to work, and a personal need to pay-back. For good support on the ground, for keeping our interests in mind, for serving as a powerful check to my otherwise messy way of things.

I am thankful for the little prefect, she stays up till 5.30 in the morning to handle my backlog with me. Although by 2 she was not mentally sound, but having company touched my heart. For taking my side on those ridiculous arguments, and for feeling the same heat I feel at dinners. For being ever so willing, even to carry cartons.

I am thankful for the fun on the job. I am loving it.

I am thankful for the crazy stretch this has been, to say I’ve grown up would be too general. This stretch has been both humbling and an eye opener. It has been brutally honest and lovingly uplifting. It has been painful, and a sense of accomplishment. It has been disturbed nights rest over finances and staffing and 7 am phone calls from people who don’t understand “i-don’t-keep-your-kind-of-hours”, but it has also been fun-filled days of laughter and chit-chats. It has been master and servant. It has honed me, fattened me, sharpened me, enthralled me. It has been anything but static . For this, I am thankful.

 

 

 

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Published by

c

my world, out of your reach

6 thoughts on “providence”

  1. We don’t always pick the path we end up on, most times, we just kind of stumble on to it. But I like to think, for whatever it is that we choose, for the decisions we make in our lives we are guided in whatever small way, by that tiny voice in our hearts that knows how each story ends. The will of God will never send us where the grace of God cannot keep us. And while things are swirling all around, its hard to see; but in the stillness and in the quiet, we know its true.

    Am so very proud of you. Hugs.

  2. i’m sorry but i am one to disagree about

    “But alas, I was not gifted in words or beautiful lyrics, or a keen ear to meter and rhyme. So I can only read and be envious of great literature, and be constantly reminded of my convoluted diction and bad spelling and lackluster phrasing and inability to translate emotions into words as exacting as I would like it to be.”

    please write someday, and i am not one to praise frivolously.

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