whispers in the wind

when i turned 18, a very very dear friend of mine gave me a crazy looking pink-with-green-pokka-dots dinosaur that he’s had since he was a child. i kept it, and slept with it for maybe a good year, until my sister told me, it probably has 18 years worth of bedbugs and dustmites. it was then relegated to a corner of my room, and subsequently into a plastic bag into the cupboard. and like all things during the big house overhaul a few months back, this crazy-falling-apart-with-eyes-in-different-direction dinosaur disappeared into a packing box, somewhere, and i don’t know where to begin looking for it.

i wonder if i returned it to him, like i told myself i would.

like the dinosaur, i have lost track of this friend of mine. he was very dear to me, at a stage of my life, i believe i called him best friend for a while. i cannot pin point when this particular time was: was it when he was in the army? no, too late. 16? no we were still part of a bigger group. 17? after adriel and i fell out, around the time of church camp? 18? no, ryan wouldn’t have stood for it. 19? back to the army argument, no too late. i cannot remember, dear heart, i do not remember, but i do remember this period existed. when i’d write you notes during the week to pass to you during service; when you’d call to tell me you were around my area; or to just talk at nights.

i saw the facebook account of his girlfriend, coincidentally an acquintance of the pea. and felt insanely happy that he is happy (we knew from the start we could never be, he-was-not-my-type; and vice versa) plus we grew up together. and yet insanely sad that i do not know him at all anymore.

i wanted to pick up the phone to call; but i wonder what to say, “hi, its been years since we last spoke..” and i will know at the other end of the line, he’d be thinking “that’s because you stopped calling or stopped being around”; as with all conversations of this nature; and yes, i am guilty.

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c

my world, out of your reach

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