if my inadequacies

if my inadequacies
hinder your race i’m sorry.

i dont usually have a problem with communication
but if my inadequacies
made you lose a minute of sleep i’m sorry

i dont usually have a problem with expression of words
but if my inadequacies
made you even a fraction upset unintentionally i’m sorry

i dont usually have a problem with committing to a cause
but if my inadequacies
made you work harder to cover my lack i’m sorry

i dont usually have a problem with fighting my own battles
but if my inadequacies
made you fight for me i’m sorry

i dont usually break into tears from a fight
but if my inadequacies
made you worry i’m sorry

i dont usually am insensitve to others
if my inadequacies
caused you pain i’m sorry

the pina colada said today i sounded defeated, actually he used the word helpless and hopeless; but we later qualified that he meant that i had a sense of hopelessness in my tone. what would he say if he heard me now?

my hyperacidity is rocketing, i repeat, stomach on constant churn mode.

officially fallen apart, no fault of anyone’s, just needed a catalyst. officially fallen apart and there’s nothing i want more now than a walk in the rain, but it wont rain, just as this wont go away for a while.

i just need to do what i said i was going to do.

my inability to communicate what i mean tonight comes at a high cost. and all i want is to bury my head and be fallen apart a little longer, a little longer because right now picking myself up sounds like a monumental task.

if i manage to upset everyone, even a friend i always assumed i’d be fighting side by side with or one behind the other, if i manage to push myself to this point, and yet still feel i’ve done nothing of worth, if i manage hurt someone who means more than an arm and a foot and both my eyes due to my lack of responsibility, if i manage to have the best friend snap at me in the week about not being around, or not be able to carry out a promise i made twinkletoes regarding her performance, or be confused about group work or behind in readings,

then it must be me,
it must be me,
it must be me.

if you dont have my back,
if you dont know me by now,
if you dont see how happy i was that
you got the break you needed,
if you dont understand,
if you cannot step up to defend me,
if you dont see how much you hurt with your words

then it must be me,
it must be me,
it must be me.

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Author: c

my world, out of your reach

1 thought on “if my inadequacies”

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