rain and tears are the same

i stood in the rain today.

the establishment by night has got to be one of my favourite places to be, the silent walkways and the lights that from a distance look like fairy lights. the silence, a welcomed change from the hustle and the bustle, of the ceaseless chatter and of the grumbling undertows of project work and term papers. its nice, time stands still, and one can’t help but marvel at the beauty of being in the heart of town, and yet away from it all.

twinkletoes and i had a good time of talking and walking, misty-eyed over a particular song, and shedding real ones over everything and yet nothing at all. when i think of you twinkletoes, this has gotta be my favourite day with you. i feel your heart, and i bleed for it, just so you know, you’re not alone.

the pinacolada came down to study, to be around. there are words i cannot say, but thank you. thank you for being there, for your loving heart, for your sensing of my moods, for your silly surprises, for your company, just because.

the establishment by night is beautiful, but the establishment by night by rain makes my heart soar.

after a skype call, long overdue with the boyscout; i walked out into the rain, alone and just stood there, face upturned, hands tucked in pockets and finally felt the rain on my face; finally get swept away in the symphony of the rain and listening to its whispers and languiding in its soft touches.

i dunno what it was, but something magical happened, perhaps one could call it a flight of fancy, a c-zone that was just me, and the raging thoughts in my head finally quietened down, suddenly a flutter of peace of mind, of being one with my body and soul and heart. just standing there, enjoying my thoughts.

the pinacolada and didi must think me mad, either that or they both knew its just a “celia-thing-to-do”

feeling mellow, feeling old: please do forgive the lack of chatter for the week, please do understand the time constraints (esp you the hufflepuff; i know something’s hurting you, i’m just a call away). so much due to be done this week, so much mind wringing this week.

a friend asked, so what does celia want right now? i said “cotton candy, pink pls”.

but what i really really want, right now, is to have someone pick up the slack, someone to say, its okay if your hands are tired, let me hold up your world for you. someone to say, don’t worry about the heart, i’ll keep it safe. someone to say i’ll put the magic back where it belongs, believe me, believe in me. someone to say i’ve got it covered. someone to be around, when i am studying, just because. someone to say, i’ll show you what cherishing means. someone to hold in the night. someone to say, stop worrying about the deadlines coming up, i’ll hold your hand through it all.

but i can’t hear any words over the buzzing in my ears.

perhaps, my heartsong is just lost in the static of the world.


Author: c

my world, out of your reach

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