everyday the picture gets brighter and blurrier

beloved,

its been a long time, stranger.

when two spends months languid-ing by body-sides, when two laugh endlessly over denny crane, michael scoffield, and the nanny, when two sneak out at nights for oily noodles and wake up in the mornings to the smell of hash browns, when two have code words like “hooky hooky” and “sleep inside” and “happys”, when two share a secret no longer there, when two people raise a puppy or two.

so while 3 months hardly counts for being strangers, relativity prevails.

everything will go back to what it was after we met at the seletar macs, years ago, where for years we had each other’s numbers in our phones, but never dialed, where we remember each other as “enthusiastic about art” and “has a small forehead”. likewise, perhaps in 3 years we’ll remember each other as “giggles like a child” and “sleeps like an angel”. how much indignation that would be, but inevitably the human mind distorts, forgets and generalizes.

in 3 days. what would have been my living nightmare, angel. sometimes i think this is all just part of your plan, to get the ends you wanted in the first place, for me to be okay. for me to not be what you think i’d be. other times i just wondered at how love fled.

in a day or two or three,
your face fades away
and i close my eyes.

i will not be able remember the taste of you
but bombay sapphire will always remind me
i will not be able remember the shape you take in the night
but salsa dancing will always remind me
i will not be able to remember the smell of your sleeve
but burning cotton (pillowcases) will always remind me
i will not be able to remember the sound of your voice
but the word “a-maze-ing” will always remind me
i would not be able to remember the feel of holding your hand
but memory will have to suffice.

in 3 days, and when distance stretches for miles and miles,
i know you’d be okay.
and i’ll be okay too.

nothing gets erased, nothing gets written over
just zipped up and placed into the hole of the heart
left behind from when i gave you the portion of it.

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take care.
love,
c

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c

my world, out of your reach

4 thoughts on “everyday the picture gets brighter and blurrier”

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