my little pipedream

all we do these days is clash, all we do these days is to try and ignore the crazy silence, the big human-size gap between us. we talk, but we do not understand, you talk, and i pick at every word in my head, i talk but you do not hear my heartsong.

what the hell is going on? i don’t know. what the hell is up with you? i think i’ve got a pretty good idea. what happened?? what the fuck happened here?? i think i know too. it doesnt matter anymore does it???

did you seriously think everything would remain the same?? it was you who believed and promised that the next 5 years wont be like the last 5. look babe, look what happened here. what more do you want from me??

what hurts most, heart, is that i carry a part of you and you carry a part of me. you ask if i regret it, you ask if i regret you. no. but this HURTS this fucking HURTS. this distance, this coldness, this silence, this new-old you that i no longer know, this stranger with the voice i recognise in my sleep. i know it is me drawing the distance, and you trying to close it– but please dont do me anymore favours, because you feel sorry.

choices, choices, our lives are just a story of our choices, we are the sum of our choices. you’ve made yours just now when you said “i guess then yes”. so, seriously, dont judge mine. i did not cast the first stone.

 so what now, i dunno. i wrote the letter many years ago. i’m done fighting for us. you want you fight, you dont want you walk. either ways, its been an exhilarating ride. you were exhilarating, but now that the novelty has run out, just as i told you it would i’m gonna just wait and see what the fuck happens from here on.

toujours. i carry your heart.

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my world, out of your reach

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