you know those nights where you wake up and think, what am i doing? what am i doing with this life, and these hands, this heart, this head, these legs, these eyes. so much out there in the world, and yet i’m caught, in this endless web of myopic jibberjabber that pales in significant to the great many things i want to do, see, touch, taste, hear.
and then you think of friends: friends in milan, friends in india, friends in hongkong, friends in china, friends in the states, friends in UK, friends scattered everywhere, like little pins that you stick into your pin cushion globe: and you can’t help but feel a little zing at the base of your back, a little prong in your legs.
you can’t help but be happy for them, that they’re getting published in acclaimed periodicals, that they’re sending you pictures of naked david statues, that they speak a whole new language, they start sounding like the place, they call you for information about singapore because they forgot, they send you lovely lovely postcards (because they know my weakness for postcards), they send you emails of comfort over irwin’s death, they ask the “english” name for food ingredients, they want to know how to prepare a ‘popiah’ party and you find yourself mumbling at the exotic 4 am SG time about turnips.
through their eyes you’ve seen so many places, (especially my travel-blogger friend, who takes me to remote parts in cambodia and vietnam and thailand and india)–and you can’t help but feel life getting away from you.
then there are the friends who’re working, friends who have got it all, the fast cars, the ring on the finger–or soon, or rather friends who are working towards having it all, a grown up trapped in a young face. friends in banks, or kpmg or BBDO or morgan stanley or temasek or those who are running their own little thingamajigs.
and i think i’ve got a great path ahead, doing what i truly enjoy, pushing a cause i believe in and i think my life isnt that bad. i get to be that little light, that winks out once lost feet touches the stone path beneath. i’ve got it pretty good.
maybe its the wanderlust, maybe its just a subconscious dream i forgot when i woke.